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literature
The face of War
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Literature Text
The face of War,
turns his mangled gaze,
towards his delightful glee.
His horrid visage,
showing the scars,
of battles long past.
His bloody look,
upon all warring men,
oppressing them all,
though none know it.
His horrible countenance,
a terrible show,
of innocent's suffering.
His gory image,
demanding a never-ending thirst,
an unending supply of blood.
His gruesome appearance,
showing the destruction,
of the nature's bounties.
The face of War,
ever to turn his gaze,
elsewhere upon the world,
never to go away.
turns his mangled gaze,
towards his delightful glee.
His horrid visage,
showing the scars,
of battles long past.
His bloody look,
upon all warring men,
oppressing them all,
though none know it.
His horrible countenance,
a terrible show,
of innocent's suffering.
His gory image,
demanding a never-ending thirst,
an unending supply of blood.
His gruesome appearance,
showing the destruction,
of the nature's bounties.
The face of War,
ever to turn his gaze,
elsewhere upon the world,
never to go away.
![[OPEN] Neon Cryptids 10](https://images-wixmp-ed30a86b8c4ca887773594c2.wixmp.com/f/336a8847-6210-483c-8958-a6fefc65474a/dgmxigo-d72c40c9-4798-4822-8a01-fcb621ae10a6.png/v1/fit/w_375,h_563,q_70,strp/_open__neon_cryptids_10_by_luffassets_dgmxigo-375w.jpg?token=eyJ0eXAiOiJKV1QiLCJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiJ9.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.w4bRCZ6UcN_woOvxT91oKJ8Rhq9sfj-7G8Hll-XTCXw)
I ask for critique for this poem if anyone has time! Thank you and God bless!
© 2015 - 2024 prima23
Comments1
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Hi, Sean here from We-Poets, stopping by with this obnoxiously overdue critique you requested from our group. 
I think your tense usage might be tripping you up slightly, and preventing you from really launching this piece forward with more strength. Look at all your -ing words especially. If you change those to present tense, like oppressing to oppresses, you automatically add more force to the lines.
The face of War,
***delete comma
turns his mangled gaze,
***delete comma
towards his delightful glee.
***toward (his gaze turned toward his own glee?)
His horrid visage,
***delete comma
showing the scars,
***delete comma
of innocent's suffering.
***I think you mean "innocents" but " innocents' " is correct too
Hope some of these help.
-Sean
I think your tense usage might be tripping you up slightly, and preventing you from really launching this piece forward with more strength. Look at all your -ing words especially. If you change those to present tense, like oppressing to oppresses, you automatically add more force to the lines.
The face of War,
***delete comma
turns his mangled gaze,
***delete comma
towards his delightful glee.
***toward (his gaze turned toward his own glee?)
His horrid visage,
***delete comma
showing the scars,
***delete comma
of innocent's suffering.
***I think you mean "innocents" but " innocents' " is correct too
Hope some of these help.
-Sean